Jeffrey LewisBelated Nuclear Forensics April Fools

This bit of wit ended up in my inbox, by way of Nathan Pyles:


AP – On April 1, 2009 the Department of Energy (DOE) will announce a tremendous advancement in the science of nuclear weapons forensics. By embedding a unique signature element into each batch of nuclear material, all nuclear weapons produced from this batch would leave a distinctively shaped mushroom cloud. These cloud shapes are so distinctive that forensics can be accomplished by anyone with a digital camera, who happens to be sufficiently far from ground zero to avoid annihilation.

Scientists with the National Nuclear Security Administration (NNSA) had been working on this technology for years. Unique cloud shapes are programmed and mapped using the latest linked supercomputers which eliminates the need for testing. A spokesperson for NNSA says that while they are excited about the technology, with the current budgetary crisis they question whether Congress will provide the requested additional funding. B&W Pantex, a NNSA subcontractor, has expressed interest in providing sponsorship funding if NNSA scientists could program their distinctive ampersand logo into the mushroom clouds.

See photo below of a test model recreation.

Why do I find clowns so unbelievably creepy?


  1. Tom


    Made my day.

  2. Andy (History)

    Oh, that’s priceless!

  3. Patton (History)

    I think I know what I would be more worried about if I saw a mushroom cloud shaped and colored like a clown…

  4. Stephen (History)

    Great pic.

    Agree that clowns are creepy. I think its that the painted-on smile might be disguising nasty thoughts.

    Maybe we need a Clown Verification Treaty?